Sorry 'bout that....
Well, I had so much to say at one time. So many jokes. I am just struggling lately. Annalynn is an incredible blessing in my life, and through the joys of being a mommy, I get emotional fulfillment like nothing else can give. But I don't make the time or energy for Day as I should, and it seems we are struggling. Is this just normal for new mommies and daddies??? Can anyone give me an encouraging word??? PLEASE tell me it's not like this forever. Each stage is precious and fun and also for me has its challenges. I don't want to leave her in a room without me. I feel like I can't get things done right now as I am all she wants. Even poppy sometimes just doesn't make the cut. The doc said at her 1 year checkup the other day that it's perfectly normal right now. Normal.........now there's a word I'm not sure of anymore. What the hell is normal??? I don't feel normal. I feel like I'm losing my mind. I have irrational fears about leaving her with others..........."what if their dog gets her"............."what if all those 2 do is fight when she's there and it scares her"................."what if someone steals her from the church nursery"..............the list just goes on and on. I thought I was a freak when I first brought her home, worrying that I'd drop her or hurt her, gosh that was NOTHING compared to this. And Day wants another one????? wow ........... Like my sis said, if I had another one, my sanity might be compromised....
posted by patty @ 8:14 PM
4 Comments:
I don't have kids so I don't think I'm a good one to give advice. I have my own fears of having children and them getting hurt, lost, stolen, etc. I find my comfort though in that God is watching over them. He is faithful and I have to trust him. My kids to be will not be mine, but his intrusted to me. It is good to have time without her..to find yourself...be an adult...have fellowship..down time. Find someone you really trust...let them know your fears, if it makes you feel better..and GO! Pat, you need to go! She will be a better person because of it. She loves you dearly and of course neither one of you want to be apart. Your husband needs you too though...and you need him.
a child is meant to be an addition to your existing life and habits...not to bend your life around and put everyone else at a distance. Of course there are changes and compromises, but I don't want my children to dictate my life. I know from watching friends kids that is possible to have a "normal life" and have small children. It takes discipline and alot of work and I can only pray that I have the strength to press through. I am praying the same for you! Hang in there! She is a gift to your life!
Thanks Netta. I needed to read this after tonight, a particularly heated and stressful evening of debate. I feel so incredibly far away from God right now. I guess Annalynn is my emotional feed right now. I don't want to mess her up thru all of this. I guess I feel like if she doesn't want me to "go" right now and I do, I will be telling her she can't trust me. Don't worry, I'm going to start going for some counseling. I need to get over the guilt thing and the feelings that I need to make everyone's life my responsibility to fix. I made the phone call today.
I'm proud of you, Pat! I know that it is not easy to ask for help. Your emotional health..as well as Day's...is just as important as your little angels. I know that you guys have waited a very long time for your "family" to start. I have been praying for you for years and know everyone has. That aspect alone has to make it horribly hard for you to feel like you are letting her down or that you are sucking every second of cuteness/bonding/time together that you can. Hang in there girl. Anyone having a child is a HUGE adjustment!!! I know that God will hear your hearts cry. Love you!
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